yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
