This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
