return my video game
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize