i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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