Your favorite bartender is back from prision
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
