Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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