The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
