i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
