who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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