I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
