I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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