i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
