Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
