Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i love accidental penises.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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