last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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