I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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