3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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