I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
