I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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