i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Randomize
