That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
