im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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