maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
