I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
