she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
