my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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