Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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