I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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