hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize