I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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