You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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