I hope mine doesn't look like that
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize