so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
