i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
