I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
