Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
