My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
