Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
