i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
