I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
