some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He felt like a one man threesome
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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