I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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