WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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