He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
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