hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
