he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm at about main and main street
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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