how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
