That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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