when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
