whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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