i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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