They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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