sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just saw a hot homeless man
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
