mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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