so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
