"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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