why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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