omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
