I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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