everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
This house was built for laser tag.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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