Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
