I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
