Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
