I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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