If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
