We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize