She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
