i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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